Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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