if i can run in heels then i can drive
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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