I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
