just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Randomize
