Got a toothbrush?
"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
