I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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