we have officially lost it.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
