i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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