Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
