U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
