I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
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