Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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