ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Randomize
