I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
