Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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