just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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