I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
