I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
