It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
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