Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Randomize
