We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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