Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Randomize
