Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
