whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Randomize
