I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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