she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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