I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
