that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
