Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
