god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Randomize
