..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
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