Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Randomize
