sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Randomize
