easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
