Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
