Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
