Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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