We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
