Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
