New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
