so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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