just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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