dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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