he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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