Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
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