does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
