his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I need a hoe opinion
go on
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
