Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
