I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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