just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
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